A Poem for February 25

Today I had the tune and words for Now The Day Is Over drifting through my mind. But in Lew of yesterday new words came to me. Here is my poem:

Now the war is over dawn is drawing nigh
Visions of a new day spread across the sky
Now our little children's live are sweet and free
And bless that now I will become what I want to be
And when the morning's breaking
Then may I arise strong and pure and fearless in these new peaceful times

Independence Day

So it's finally over with my family. Should anyone wonder if they have changed during the four years since the last time we talked the answer is no. It is as caustic as it it ever was. But here is the difference... I am healthier than I have ever been before. With a good deal of prayer and thought, I have ended things with them once and for all. Now of course they may not feel that the matter is closed, but now I do. I sent them the email below via an account I will never use again. A quiet peace falls over us. We have desired this before, but the time and the words were never right. Should anyone who reads this feel sorry for me, know that this is a very good thing. February 25, 2008 was my personal Independence Day. I now hope to live a wonderful life, happily ever after, till the end of my days.

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Subject: I am sorry

Dear Family,

When I contacted you in January, I promise it was in a spirit of love, not contention. I was following the promptings of the Spirit in sending that first email. I wonder now if it was purely genealogy related. Perhaps some ancestor really wants their work done. But sadly, this has spiraled out of control. Everyone is hurt, everyone is angry. We’re all just hurting each other. You all sound so unhappy. I’m sorry I’ve done this to you. I am sorry that I have caused you all such pain. It seems that you are all in agreement about our family’s history; it would seem that I am the one causing the problem here. I don’t want to cause anymore hurt or pain or problems.

With much prayer, the only equitable resolution I can see is for our contact to end permanently. I wish to free you from all of this. You never need to think on this again. You don’t need to search for me anymore. I release you. Don’t worry about me anymore. I am doing so well. My life is so happy. I wish for each of your lives to be happy. Dad I will always have a place in my heart for you. Mom thank you for all you taught me, it has helped me more than you could ever know. Nathan, thank you for sharing your passions with me and for taking me to the singles ward. I hope you will all be quite happy.

Perhaps this act of freeing you can give you all a new lease on life. This letter is where this all ends. This is the closure we never had. Once again, I am so truly sorry. I hope never to cause you pain again. This is my farewell to you. I do not wish to disturb or harm you in any way ever again. Please let us part in a spirit not of hate but peace. I wish peace and healing for all of us. This is my goodbye until the next life. It is my hope that this will all be better there. Goodbye, you are free now.

Peek-A-Boo

Our sweet girl has learned the art of peek-a-boo. We often play play forms of peek-a-boo with her using blankets and sheets. Recently she has started to check under sheets and blankets. Today she was laying on the bed after she and I had played with the sheet. All on her own she covered her face with the sheet then lowered it. She continued to play like this for about thirty seconds. I loved it! The little things bring such joy to my heart.

Baby Showers....

I went to a baby shower today. The food was good. I adore the girl it was being thrown for. But it was still a traditional baby shower. Baby food tasting, trivia games, presents, and a birth discussion. The last part was a big reason why I went. This girl is having her first baby this spring as an unassisted. I am so proud of her for making this choice. The mainstream people... Well, not so much. Inevitably the conversation turn to who is going to deliver your baby type talk. I honestly think that few women in our society realize that women deliver their babies; no it is not the doctor, the nurses, the hospital, or midwives--it is the laboring women themselves. In the majority of cases women's bodies know how to birth a baby. In the other rarer circumstances, we have hospitals. The conversation was silly, so I was very dominating with truth and facts. Truly my friend can take care herself without my jumping in to the verbal fray. But at least now they know she has knowledgeable women in her court and on her team. *sigh* Perhaps someday women will embrace their power.

I Love Being a Mother

For years I struggled with the desire to even have children (thanks, mom). Now it is the very best part of my life. When I get to be with my husband and baby, my joy is boundless. Motherhood is infinity better than I ever imagined. Which is due in great part to evidence based parenting (CIO is truly detrimental), Attachment Parenting, and the amazing mamas I know. My fabulous husband is the part that really makes all this work. He does the laundry. He works so my job can be loving our baby. He fully supports me in every goal I pursue. He knew I should be a doula and UC before I did. :D He often understands me before I do. For Valentines day he took baby and me away to a B&B in the adorable town of Huntsville. In short he is amazing, and I love him very much.
I can't find the words to describe being my baby's mom.... She is hilarious. She has a thirst for adventure. She is fearless. She clever. she has figured out that to get off our be she needs to turn around and go feet first. She is talkative.
There is nothing I will ever do that will mean more than this. At the moment I do have other accomplishments i.e. doula & portrait photographer, but nothing is more fulfilling or a greater contribution to society that being a mother. The hand the rocks the cradle does rule the world.
Check out my friend Amanda's blog for what got me thinking about all this today.

Breast milk is awesome.

On my friends blog I came across this: http://alisaterry.blogspot.com/2008/02/breast-milk-contains-stem-cells.html
I mean wow! Try to say there is little differenence between formula and breast milk now. I lift a boob to the undeniable champion and wonder, Breast Milk. It really is liquid gold. The formula vs. breast milk debate feels a little like cheetos vesus tuffles. It's unbelieveable that formula munufacturars are able to pedddle their swill. *head shake and a tisk*

Board Book with Co-Sleeping

Hubbie and I co-sleep. We love it and don't really understand putting a sweet baby behind bars. But since cages are the societal norm, they can be found in most baby themed books. Lo and behold I found one with bonified co-sleeping: I Love You As Much... by Laura Krauss Melmed. This book has beautiful pictures and poetry of animal moms and babies. On the last page the baby in sleeping in bed with mom with nary a cage in site.

[Now sleep child of mine while the stars shine above- I love you as much as a mother can love.]

Hooray! Finding it for .50 at the D.I. made it even better.

I really do love co-sleeping. If I hadn't co-slept, I would have missed out on midnight laughter, sweet smelling snuggles, the peace of being surrounded by the ones you love and knowing the're safe, and my baby's face by moonlight. mmmmm I love co-sleeping!

Incompetent Cervix

So I came across this phrase today in my studies and not fully understanding it, I did research.Now I'm mad! From what I understand this is a condition almost entirely attributable to the medical establishment. Basically it means that the cervix can't stay closed long enough to keep the baby in for the duration of pregnancy, generally resulting in miscarriage. It can be caused by injuries from previous deliveries, cervical surgery, or a previous D&C (dilation and curettage, or scraping of the tissue inside the uterus), several pregnancies terminated, or your mother took the drug DES while she was pregnant with you. (Caregivers used to prescribe this drug to prevent miscarriage, but stopped in the early 1970s when studies showed that it was both ineffective and caused reproductive tract abnormalities in developing babies.) . Now of course some doctors say your just deficient for no reason, but I find that a rather convenient reason for them to use. Their solution is to sew the cervix closed. Which has a host of dangers on it's own. This is just so outrages. Women deserve so much better than this.